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IDIOCRACY, PART DEUX
Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! This is the scariest, most hilarious video I have ever tortured myself with by watching 5,000 times in a row! Where to start with this? Okay, this is footage from the Miss Teen USA 2007 pageant which aired on August 25th. Miss South Carolina, a teen who admittedly resembles a 35-year old former private dancer for P Diddy more than a candidate for Mensa, botches her answer during the interview portion of the contest. The question posed to her was, "A recent poll showed that some Americans can't find the USA on a world map. Why do you think this is?"
Here is the transcript of her unfortunate answer:
"I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uhmmm, some people out there in our nation don't have maps and uh, I believe that our, I, education like such as uh, South Africa, and uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and I believe that they should, uhhh, our education over here in the US should help the US, uh, should help South Africa, it should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future, for us."
Wha-wha-WHAT?! Some people don't have maps? And what does "the" Iraq, South Africa, and Asia have to do with the question? Adding to the stupidity theme, the question picked out for another contestant was, "Who do you think is a better role model, Paris, Nicole, or Britney?" AGGGHHH!
But back to this genius. I have no doubt that she had a pageant coach who told her beforehand, "Whatever they ask you, just throw in a mention of Iraq, Africa, Asia, and the future, and you'll be home-free." Only problem was, she didn't have the mental skills to adapt her rehearsed answer to the question they gave her.
The proper answer should have been: "Americans don't know how to find their own country on a map because, like me, children are too busy learning how to apply hooker make-up at the age of four and practicing Britney Spears dance moves to bore themselves by picking up a book; that their parents are so busy trying to appease these little brats because they don't want to lose their children's 'friendship' by forcing them to educate themselves; that society is also to blame because instead of paying teachers top dollar, we prefer to revere Hollywood hookers and athletes, whose only talent is throwing a ball, and pay them millions; and finally, because our government cares so little about its own people that it is allowing us to sabotage ourselves by fast becoming the least educated developed nation."
It honestly only took me less than a minute to come up with that, folks. Take a good, long look at the future of America! Unbelievably, she still came in 3rd place. Another contestant later made a subtle jab at her when, in response to the question, "What skills are American teens lacking in?" she replied, "Public speaking." BURN! Oh, and the look on Mario Lopez's (aka A.J. Slater's) face is priceless. It looks like he is doing everything he can to keep from laughing. You know he's thinking that she's one of those Americans who can't find the U.S. on a map.
And you know her parents are SO PROUD of her.
Source: You Tube
Photo: The "Break it Down" Blog
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BITCHIE THINKS OTHER GIRLS ARE ACTUALLY INTERESTED IN DOUCHE MADDEN
Page Six is reporting that, during faux-rocker Joel Madden's appearance at New York City's Village Pourhouse event on August 15th, Nicole Ritchie gave strict orders that he not pose for pictures with other women. Her excuse was that she didn't want any "rumors" to get started. Bitchie is jealous!
First of all, why would she be jealous of THIS? (See above double chin, pasty skin, girlie earring, and played-out tats.) Douche Madden will triple his weight in the next ten years, mark my words. So what if he actually gets the opportunity before the onset of his looming obesity
to pose with a few desperate publicity whores? Be patient, honey, NO ONE will want him in a few years, if anyone does now.
On the other hand, women are scandalous. I've known chicks to go try to sit on my DH's lap right in front of me and chicks to call him up and invite him out, knowing that he's married. Yes, women are brazen these days! If I know a man is taken, I go out of my way not to appear flirtatious in either word or action and make a point of constantly referring to their "lovely" wife if she happens not to be present. I like to give that little shout-out of respect to the wives and girlfriends. Yes, I'm a dying breed and I know this because I rarely meet women who will do the same.
Image: Dlisted
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TYPO IN ARKANSAS LAW ALLOWS KIDS TO GET MARRIED; BONUS POINTS IF THEY'RE SIBLINGS.
A typographical error allowed legislation to pass in Arkansas (Arkansas again! Why does weird shit like this always happen in Arkansas? I know at least a few people there must be able to read and do that fancy ciphering.) that any minor under the age of eighteen may marry, as long as they have their parents' permission.
The law reads,
"In order for a person who is younger than eighteen (18) years of age and who is not pregnant to obtain a marriage license, the person must provide the county clerk with evidence of parental consent to the marriage."
Whatever genius was supposed to proofread the bill accidently let it pass with the phrase "not pregnant" intact. The law was originally intended to allow knocked-up minors to marry, and now Arkansas senators say they need to hold a special session to fix the wording of the new bill. It will no doubt involve hours and hours of intense debate, thousands of dollars in taxpayers' money, and reimbursement requests for all-night hooker services at the Senate office.
Next year, Arkansas willl be passing a bill to allow people to marry pot-bellied pigs, ya'll. Yee-haw!
Source: Yahoo
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POMPEO DISLIKES OTHER WOMEN FAMOUS FOR NOTHING
Ellen Pompeo from "Grey's Anatomy" feels that the famous in Hollywood (we can only surmise she has in mind the useless
Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, and Lindsey Lohan) are famous for no good reason. DUH! She's worried that young girls are looking up to them for being rich and famous for doing nothing and thinks the media needs to stop focusing on them.
Well, it would be nice if we didn't have to see their slack-jawed, coked-up faces constantly on TV and in magazines, but the media is only feeding off of the public's interest. Society is so dumbed-down these days that we don't know that it's much healthier for our brains to digest news on the elections and the latest space technology. She does have a valid point, though. I don't care if nothing newsworthy happened for weeks and weeks, the entire world over, Parisite's
jail sentence should never be headline news. That's just one of the ancient truths of civilization.
Source: Yahoo
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PARISITE'S REAL POST-JAIL INTERVIEW
I don't know when this terrific spoof of Jay Leno interviewing Big Bird Paris Hilton was aired on"The Tonight Show," but salsa was projectiling out of my nose because I laughed while I was pigging down on the homemade kind. Yes, salsa came out my nose. It was not sensational. Anyway, Jay does a spoof interview that shows what Paris' real answers would have been had she not been coached extensively by Larry King's minions. My fav part is at the end where he asks her if she is really going to build all of those halfway houses/women's shelters/skid row cardboard-box houses and she answers "No" with her signature smarmy smirk. This is pure hilarity! Click the link to make the jump.
Source: YouTube
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WOMAN GIVES BIRTH TO 17th CHILD, UTERUS MIRACULOUSLY DOES NOT FALL OUT
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